I am: A Note to Daddy

I made a model of you.

I have always been afraid of you.

burn, burn, burn I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.

But the gods are fallen and all safety gone.

I took a deep breath

and

listened to the old brag of my heart: I am, I am, I am.

Daddy, daddy, 

I’m through.

I'm not good.

I am, I am, I am

born in fury

burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another mad to live mad to talk mad to be saved desirous of everything at the same time

till i drop

the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world

I am, I am , I am.

If ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest’ not.

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple:

I took a deep breath

Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I’m through.

I’m through.

Words taken from Dharma Bums, On the Road, “Daddy”, The Bell Jar, and East of Eden