I am a sponge for emotion;
I drink in anything.
Why is mania always followed by such a heavy gloom?
Loneliness and isolation.
I'm surrounded by a heavy mist and I can't see.
Everything's fuzzy and distorted
And me the same.
It doesn't really get better for forever.
Just a little more predictable when it doesn't.
poor choices:
1. Drinking on empty stomach. I do this too often with disastrous effects. I can drink quite a bit and be fine if I eat, but if I don't then I'm a tragic mess.
2. Being a flake. I've let a friend down because I was busy being a tragic poor-choice mess. It makes me feel shitty because I don't like flakes very much. Kind of angry at myself.
3. Freaking myself out, especially over little things.
4. Letting myself become a distracted mess. Can't focus. Can't think. I feel like I have ADD or something in my head. There's too much energy bouncing around inside me.
5. Me a mess.
I don't want to do anything except run and play the piano and write poems in spanish.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Hates:
1. Not being 21 and therefore not being able to watch jazz shows in bars.
2. Overanalysis. I beat everything to death in my head
3. Plucking my eyebrows. fucking hurts. That's why I avoid doing it for weeks at a time. Not that I think I ever look spectacular with really "done" eyebrows.
4. Using the UCSD proxy server in order to get stuff from online electronic reserves. Then I have to approve all these sites and keep on signing into whatever. Tedious and rather lame.
5. People who think that Obama is a Marxist and "the antichrist" (I really heard that at the Little Italy Festa this weekend). And is Marx considered to be that terrible of a thinker/writer nowadays?
Thank goodness for:
1. Pandora
2. My guitar
3. My eczema fading away
4. Michael Buble and Harry Connick Jr. and Diana Krall and (always) Rachael Yamagata. They sing to my heart
5. Ravioli . . . SO GOOD. hard to make from scratch, but so good to eat.
6. Ice cream in the morning for breakfast
7. Cold mornings (I like being in the warm cocoon of my blankets)
8. Anthropologie . . it is SO DANGEROUS TO SHOP THERE. Everything is something I want to take home with me. That store takes too much of my money and my love.
9. Brown: chocolate, some pretty eyes, autumn, tree bark, nutella, brunettes, beautifully finished wood, good bread
10. The nice little note tags tied to the branches of a eucalyptus tree outside of Geisel. They made me smile when I discovered them today. Some people looked at me funny when they saw me looking through the leaves and branches of the tree. I just smiled at them and kept looking because I didn't care. For that matter I really like not caring about strangers thinking that I'm weird.
Being as anal as I am . . . I need to have multiples of five for each list and also I prefer to have more positives than negatives.
A Monday Night Moon
Do you see that big full moon?
Do you see how close it is?
It is calling my name,
Pulling me towards its soft glow
Like the waves that dance in celebration at twilight.
At this cusp of the two arcs
Of my youth breaking against my adulthood
I'm trying to dig the rapturous chaos of it all.
Life is pandemonium and
I'm starting to dig it for the first time.
I'm following the moonlight,
Obeying its irresistible call,
Just like he told me to.
I'm dancing at the breaking point.
The madness is showing, I promise.
1. Not being 21 and therefore not being able to watch jazz shows in bars.
2. Overanalysis. I beat everything to death in my head
3. Plucking my eyebrows. fucking hurts. That's why I avoid doing it for weeks at a time. Not that I think I ever look spectacular with really "done" eyebrows.
4. Using the UCSD proxy server in order to get stuff from online electronic reserves. Then I have to approve all these sites and keep on signing into whatever. Tedious and rather lame.
5. People who think that Obama is a Marxist and "the antichrist" (I really heard that at the Little Italy Festa this weekend). And is Marx considered to be that terrible of a thinker/writer nowadays?
Thank goodness for:
1. Pandora
2. My guitar
3. My eczema fading away
4. Michael Buble and Harry Connick Jr. and Diana Krall and (always) Rachael Yamagata. They sing to my heart
5. Ravioli . . . SO GOOD. hard to make from scratch, but so good to eat.
6. Ice cream in the morning for breakfast
7. Cold mornings (I like being in the warm cocoon of my blankets)
8. Anthropologie . . it is SO DANGEROUS TO SHOP THERE. Everything is something I want to take home with me. That store takes too much of my money and my love.
9. Brown: chocolate, some pretty eyes, autumn, tree bark, nutella, brunettes, beautifully finished wood, good bread
10. The nice little note tags tied to the branches of a eucalyptus tree outside of Geisel. They made me smile when I discovered them today. Some people looked at me funny when they saw me looking through the leaves and branches of the tree. I just smiled at them and kept looking because I didn't care. For that matter I really like not caring about strangers thinking that I'm weird.
Being as anal as I am . . . I need to have multiples of five for each list and also I prefer to have more positives than negatives.
A Monday Night Moon
Do you see that big full moon?
Do you see how close it is?
It is calling my name,
Pulling me towards its soft glow
Like the waves that dance in celebration at twilight.
At this cusp of the two arcs
Of my youth breaking against my adulthood
I'm trying to dig the rapturous chaos of it all.
Life is pandemonium and
I'm starting to dig it for the first time.
I'm following the moonlight,
Obeying its irresistible call,
Just like he told me to.
I'm dancing at the breaking point.
The madness is showing, I promise.
Friday, October 10, 2008
List Day
TWO lists today, not just one! What a cool Friday
I'll start with the dislikes just to get them out of the way:
1. long-ass school days. I feel as though I'm on campus for forever Mon-Thurs. Friday isn't nearly as bad. But by the end of the week I'm just a tad sick of seeing the campus.
2. feeling sleep-deprived
3. being scared of being behind in my classes and it's only week 2.
4. running out of apple-caramel lollipops
5. sitting through long meetings
6. seeing my money go toward bills
7. moldy cheese
8. the nasty ass huge spiders that are about as plentiful as weeds here.
9. being tired and subsequently forgetful and constantly leaving articles of clothing in classrooms.
10. forgetting that fridays are vocab quiz days in italian.
11. people [from the Koala] who decide that the old student center bathrooms are good places to have awkward sounding sex
12. being left out
13. talks that don't go anywhere
14. the fact that i haven't been writing for myself recently
15. feeling as though i'm not as smart or intense as some people in my classes.
now for the likes:
1. vanilla soy chais from pretty much anywhere except for perks. iced. hot. love it. period.
2. black nail polish for my toenails
3. good laughs in the office wednesday night
4. the office. <3 dwight
5. good discussions with people about books and ideas and things
6. blueberry scones
7. friendly people with big smiles
8. finally getting off the waitlist and into my italian composition class
9. saying it like it is and how i mean
10. pumpkin spice hershey kisses. i think that they are amazzzziinnnggg
11. fuji apples
12. naked superfood. people think it that it probably tastes terrible because it's green and looks kind of thick goopy gross. but really it tastes amazing and delicious and is fab for you.
13. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtHwWReGU0
14. blue back and grey
15. the fact that i can check my email on my phone
16. scribbling in cursive
17. indian, greek jewelry
18. rachael yamagata's new cd
19. the way my hair is right now
20. wearing really high heeled/platform shoes to change up my perspective.
Time totally flew by. Week 2 is already done and there are only 8 more weeks to actually really learn the stuff that's lying in piles on the floor, in my backpack, all over my two bookshelves and desk.
I think I should write poetry.
I'll start with the dislikes just to get them out of the way:
1. long-ass school days. I feel as though I'm on campus for forever Mon-Thurs. Friday isn't nearly as bad. But by the end of the week I'm just a tad sick of seeing the campus.
2. feeling sleep-deprived
3. being scared of being behind in my classes and it's only week 2.
4. running out of apple-caramel lollipops
5. sitting through long meetings
6. seeing my money go toward bills
7. moldy cheese
8. the nasty ass huge spiders that are about as plentiful as weeds here.
9. being tired and subsequently forgetful and constantly leaving articles of clothing in classrooms.
10. forgetting that fridays are vocab quiz days in italian.
11. people [from the Koala] who decide that the old student center bathrooms are good places to have awkward sounding sex
12. being left out
13. talks that don't go anywhere
14. the fact that i haven't been writing for myself recently
15. feeling as though i'm not as smart or intense as some people in my classes.
now for the likes:
1. vanilla soy chais from pretty much anywhere except for perks. iced. hot. love it. period.
2. black nail polish for my toenails
3. good laughs in the office wednesday night
4. the office. <3 dwight
5. good discussions with people about books and ideas and things
6. blueberry scones
7. friendly people with big smiles
8. finally getting off the waitlist and into my italian composition class
9. saying it like it is and how i mean
10. pumpkin spice hershey kisses. i think that they are amazzzziinnnggg
11. fuji apples
12. naked superfood. people think it that it probably tastes terrible because it's green and looks kind of thick goopy gross. but really it tastes amazing and delicious and is fab for you.
13. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtHwWReGU0
14. blue back and grey
15. the fact that i can check my email on my phone
16. scribbling in cursive
17. indian, greek jewelry
18. rachael yamagata's new cd
19. the way my hair is right now
20. wearing really high heeled/platform shoes to change up my perspective.
Time totally flew by. Week 2 is already done and there are only 8 more weeks to actually really learn the stuff that's lying in piles on the floor, in my backpack, all over my two bookshelves and desk.
I think I should write poetry.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Another Day, Another List
More things I'm diggin':
1. ice cream in the morning
2. a really good run when its cloudy and just a tad chilly
3. red and orange ink
4. finishing a journal . . . ending a chapter of my life if you will
5. good blogs. you learn so much about a person from whathe/she writes (or doesn't write)
6. my italian conversation class. my ta is the cutest person alive. i sense a developing girl crush
7. ironman and forgetting sarah marshall.
8. developing an unhealthy addiction to my new blackberry pearl
9. cheese
10. getting checks
11. my mint green sheets and pillow cases
12. Guardian pens. i love the damn things, and now i know where to find them in the Guardian office!!!!
13. late nights at the Guardian. everything becomes funny
14. talking to a stranger about heavy stuff and not having her freak out over the extremities of my personality
15. finding out that my apartmentmate draws hands really well . . . i love hands. not in a weird fetish sort of way, of course. i think as a musician, i think about hands a lot and the way they move to create beauty.
1. ice cream in the morning
2. a really good run when its cloudy and just a tad chilly
3. red and orange ink
4. finishing a journal . . . ending a chapter of my life if you will
5. good blogs. you learn so much about a person from whathe/she writes (or doesn't write)
6. my italian conversation class. my ta is the cutest person alive. i sense a developing girl crush
7. ironman and forgetting sarah marshall.
8. developing an unhealthy addiction to my new blackberry pearl
9. cheese
10. getting checks
11. my mint green sheets and pillow cases
12. Guardian pens. i love the damn things, and now i know where to find them in the Guardian office!!!!
13. late nights at the Guardian. everything becomes funny
14. talking to a stranger about heavy stuff and not having her freak out over the extremities of my personality
15. finding out that my apartmentmate draws hands really well . . . i love hands. not in a weird fetish sort of way, of course. i think as a musician, i think about hands a lot and the way they move to create beauty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)