It's essay time, or NOT

I'm taking a class on the 18th century French and German Enlightenment this quarter with a pretty amazing professor. I have to say that it has taken about seven weeks for me to find material that I find astoundingly interesting or entertaining to read. I've read Kant's "What is Enlightenment" several times, Voltaire's Candide a couple of times, and Rousseau's First and Second Discourses once before- I'm a little over those texts. I'm easily bored with material that I don't dig.

But NOW the class is on The Sorrows of Young Werther by Goethe. It is HILARIOUS and remarkably well-written. It is such a little novel - closer to a novella - and still so well-developed. My professor remarked on how advanced the 18th century was in terms of exploring psychology (only the term "psychology" wasn't coined and used until later). Goethe is extraordinarily perceptive to the human nature and behaviors.

When I first read The Sorrows of Young Werther, I was actually repulsed by Werther's pretty writing and flowery effusiveness. He's such a passionate and deluded young man, I couldn't help disliking him. I thought his fixation on the object of his affection (Lotte) was too over-the-top to be taken seriously. This is where it's very helpful to take into context Goethe's background and the character he's created: a bourgeois young man from 18th-century Germany. Hooray for bourgeois men of letters and feelings. The work isn't lengthy at all, but offers beautiful insight into the mind of young Werther and his delusions regarding class, gender, and relationships.

Highlights of the week/end:
1. Sean Penn winning Best Actor and Dustin Lance Black winning Best Original Screenplay - both for Milk [= Their speeches were pretty amazing as well.
2. White cheddar cheez-its and vanilla coke zero and Red Hot Chili Peppers while writing
3. Reading various blogs to avoid writing essays (I'll pay for this later, I know it)
4. Elixir flavored 5 gum. It's the berry one!
5. Pomegranate Burt's Bees chapstick . . . it's much better smelling than the original I think. Whatever, it'll be lost within the next week, I just know it
6. ESPRESSO. shit this stuff is strong. I had forgotten, silly of me
7. Successful interviews with the University's young alumni! [= networking is an amazing thing.
8. Cocktail party and seeing everyone dressed up, even though being dressed up as a girl involves fun for like 15 minutes MAX before the discomfort sets in and results in a fierce burning desire to rip off the tights and stilettos and poorly-insulating dress. Guys have it good. Beauty is a pain.
9. In-class discussions about the nature of delusion in relationships and how it plays into fear of intimacy [= AND porn is no good for real intimacy, people! Not everyone can have pornstar-monstrous-boobs-and-penises-outrageous sex. This should come as no big surprise to the people who watch that stuff anyway; they're fucking themselves and not the sex god/dess on the screen.
10. Google books is a beautiful thing, period
11. Realizing that nearly everything major I do is writing-and/or-reading-oriented: my job with the the campus newspaper, my job with the alumni association (I write reports), my major, this blog, my actual journal.
12. ALMOST DONE WITH THE L WORD. I only have 3 episodes left to watch of Season 2 and I'll have watched all of the show. Well . . . minus the two episodes left to this final season. ]=
13. Danny Green is excellent with Brazilian/Latin jazz piano. Check him out at www.dannygreen.net He graduated from UC San Diego in 2004 and was recently signed onto the Pacific Coast Jazz label. Yay for up-and-coming talent getting recognized!
14. Rediscovering much loved songs
15. Good news at home or at least good news anywhere my family is. Things are looking up? I hope hope hope. Finger's crossed, stick a needle in my eye and all that stuff.

FML

Things I've been addicted to:
1. Reading those damn "25 things about me" notes on Facebook. I like reading those things; many things about my friends amuse me. However, I absolutely refuse to post one of those notes because it just seems awkward for me to post stuff for ANY one to read, even if I just tag the people that are near and dear to my heart. Creepers. I fear them. Hypocritical, I know.
2. fmylife.com <- this site is hilarious. This past week has been crazy, and this site + failblog.org make me feel better, among some other things and some people.
3. articles from feministing.com ; there was a post this past week with a picture of two very happy looking people wearing tshirts that said "ex-masturbator". apparently there's a group that makes a whole line of these kinds of tshirts - "ex-diva", "ex-hypocrite", "ex-atheist", etc. My favorite? "ex-fornicator", hands down. To anyone who has that shirt, I'd just love to ask, "So when did sex stop being fun?"
4. Really rich hot chocolate. I'm pro at making this stuff from scatch. Not the milk or the chocolate, but the hot chocolate. No powdered stuff for me!
5. The L Word. I. Love. This. Show. I found a site where I can watch all the episodes and I'm so addicted it's not even funny. And I have a crush on Shane. And maybe Bette. But definitely Shane.

Complications:
1. Family - the usual and the not so usual.
2. Still feeling burnt out from last quarter.
3. Feeling hopelessly frustrated writing sometimes and sometimes all the time.
4. Experiencing feelings/emotions that scare me.
5. I keep eating nuts and sometimes stuff with eggs and even mushrooms even though I'm supposed to stay away. And then I develop rashes that bug the shit out of me. Damn.



I ran to the place where books are stacked glass
Reflecting the marbled sky
-Cornflower blue peeping from behind
Unbleached spun sugar cotton- Freedom!

I took a turn and headed for the canyon.
As I descended I was met with a vision of flaming orange yellow,
Lightly veiled by the descending curtain of tears from the clouds above,
Blessing the hills with a last glorious touch.

I wished I could fly to that distant horizon,
Succeeding where Icarus failed.
But I had not even his courage - fearing the impossible heights and the impossible fall-
And ran, half drowned in regret, back to my four-walled prison